Due to the popularity of my last thesis I thought I’d give this a go again. You guys know that I’m 37 by now ( ye I do mention it in nearly every blog post, because I can’t get over it. Really 37! But I haven’t even seen the world yet!) And I’m somewhat happily married (on most days) for the last 18 years, and you guys know how on certain days we question: “Why do we do this s***?, like Why?!!” and that’s where this popped up.
So the Thesis is “Is it Love or Tolerance?”
A little bit of of a background before we move onto the fun part:
Love: A Passionate Affection for another person, a personal attachment or deep affection for another person (dictionary.com)
Tolerance: Able to endure (dictionary.com)
Methodology: You guys understand the way I work by now hey?
For this project I will be asking my fellow Instagram users “Is it Love that makes us Tolerant? or Tolerance that makes us love?” – Is it Love or Tolerance?
and here are a few responses:
For my case study I have decided to use the characters from “The Big Bang Theory” I know this one is a hit and miss, either you love this show, or you don’t…….but I absolutely LOVE it!! seriously give it a Go, I promise you will get obsessed …….
Case Study 1: Sheldon and Amy Farah Fowler
When it comes to Love or Tolerance I really don’t think there can be a better example than these two. We all know how intolerable Sheldon actually is- this is a man who has ‘room mate agreements,’ ‘friendship agreements,’ a ‘Do not sit on my couch agreement‘ he also has a ‘relationship agreement‘ with Amy Farah Fowler. He is very proud of his IQ, yet because of his head always being in science, he seems to have lost out on his emotional quotient (EQ)
He is forever putting his friends down, doesn’t understand ‘feelings‘ or ‘sarcasm‘ and yet although on television we can have a laugh at his odd behaviour- in real life ‘would I really be friends with this guy?“…… However all the things that we find odd, Amy Farah Fowler seems to be blind to;
“… your personality quirks, which others find abhorrent or rage-inducing, I find cute as a button.’
I mean forget Love or tolerance- this is clearly a case of ‘Love is Blind’.
Yet on the last episode (did I really go through 12 series off this? Yes I did, and each series is better than the one before.) A bombshell is brought down:
Amy: “You never mean to. It’s the only reason people tolerate you”
Sheldon: ‘Does that include you?”
Amy: ‘Sometimes, yes’
Amy here clearly states that she tolerates Sheldon, as does everyone else around him. We should know this anyway, yet when someone you love says it its quite a bit of a ‘bombshell’ So is Amy here stating that she Tolerates him because she Loves him?
Case Study 2: Leonard and Penny
I mean the Big Bang Theory really does not give us any easy relationships to work with hey? Its one big psychological nightmare to be honest.
When it comes to Leonard and Penny there is a very stereotypical undertone apparent- ‘the nerdy genius gets the fit dumb blonde girl‘, isn’t this what all scientists fantasies are about?. But because of of his ‘Infatuation’ over Penny he is seen to be ‘under the thumb’ and always prone to insults.
I personally think that their are 2 ways of looking at this. (Psychological M11bna taking over here) Firstly Penny could be mean towards Leonard, because she feels insecure because she knows that she is not clever, and her insults are a way of fixing that insecurity.
Or that Leonard generally is such a nice guy (and he really is!) that Penny generally looks like a bully next to him but she is just being her sarcastic self.
Lets get back to the question at hand, is it Love or Tolerance? Does Leonard Tolerate the insults because he is infatuated that his fantasy has come to life? or does he Love Penny and that is why he tolerates her insults?
Hmmm….. that’s a tricky one, but also…..Why is Penny with Leonard? Love? Tolerance? …….its one Big Bang Theory…… (Hehe *wink *wink)
Case Study 3: Howard and Bernadette
The smallest person but the biggest bully by far Bernadette. I absolutely Love her! And this women by far is toooooo damn tolerant….. or is it the other way round? …… I’m really worried about this relationship out of them all…….
Bernadette acts as a replacement mother figure to Howard rather than a wife, and she takes up that role too. Both gladly accept this… (too weird)
As well as a mother figure she is also the breadwinner, which she forever reminds Howard, and she also makes it very clear to Howard on numerous occasions that she can do better than him- Which he also agrees to.
Is this why Howard is tolerant of her? Because he also knows that she can do better? or because he loves her? Is this another case of Leonard and Penny?
Why does Bernadette take over the role of his mother? She has children of her own, yet is seen forever babysitting Howard and his friends? Does she Love him, and that’s why she tolerates?
Now that we have had a look at the case studies…. lets move on,
Conclusion:
Firstly lets go back to the definitions of Love and Tolarance:
Love: A Passionate Affection for another person, a personal attachment or deep affection for another person (dictionary.com)
Tolerance: Able to endure (dictionary.com)
And now we can take these definitions and look at it from the couples perspective; Tolerance would be to be able to tell your partner that there is something you dislike about them, but you are going to deal with it anyway because you generally Love them.
Lets put this into the couples:
Amy tells Sheldon clearly that she and all the friends tolerate him. Leonard tolerates Penny snide remarks because he genuinely cares for her, and Bernadette tolerates Howard because….. well she must love him right? Otherwise why would she still be there? This women clearly doesn’t need him.
So now the question really is; Is Loving and Tolerating Linked?
Evaluation;
My understanding from everything that I have put down is : Do we become more Tolerant because we Love?…..
We all go through days where we do things we don’t want to, like….. really don’t want to, like really really, it makes you burn inside ‘Dont want to‘, but yet we smile (although mine is a hard fake one) and we do it? Why?? Tell me Why?
Tolerating does not mean hating or wanting to leave or ending a relationship. Tolerating is actually how the relationship is managed, and how much you want that relationship will allow you to grit your teeth and accept it. (Though a bitching session with the ladies is always a must afterwards)
The reality is, we will never find anyone who has the same thought logic as ourselves, and if we did….. then how boring would that be?! so we have to learn to understand that the other person has a different understanding to life than us.
In a marriage or a relationship you may find that you disagree over a ‘matter’. That’s not to say that you are right and he is wrong (though in 99% of the time, us women are right. Obviously. We go have the Superior Gene *wink wink*). It just means you have a difference of opinion, and the crucial part of this is ‘trying to accept the difference without it affecting the relationship’
Obviously tolerating also has a danger to it. Tolerating has to be done to a degree, do not allow yourself to tolerate the wrong things for the sake of Love. That is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship. If there is Love, Tolerance should come from both sides, and it should be easily accepted and not something that is forced or mentally draining.
And this balance between Love and Tolerance is not just about marriage or having a partner, its a balance that we bring to all relationships, that can be friendship, children and parents.
We tolerate more from some friends than we do from others. We tolerate more from our own children, than we would if someone else was to talk to us in a certain manner.
So it could be said that the more we ‘Love’ or ‘Have a likeness or affection’ for someone, the more we are prepared to tolerate. Yet once again I have to emphasise that Tolerance has to have a cut off point.
Sometimes Tolerance can be misinterpreted for obedience or even misinterpreted as a form of bullying. You have to be very mindful of how much you tolerate and why, and whether you are getting the same amount of effort your way.
And that’s all folks. do share your thoughts on this matter. Would be interesting to discuss.
Did you read my last thesis? Its “Does the Perfect Man exist?” Have a read of it Just here.
Love and regards
M11bna
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