“Forgive but never forget, or you will be hurt again. Forgiving changes the perspectives. Forgetting loses the lesson.” ~ Paulo Coelho
This took me a while to learn, actually it took me a Long long while to learn. If anything I actually hate myself for this- I mean you have to a special kind of fool to forgive and forget, over and over by the same person.
That special fool is me. Yup. Their I said it. The first sign of healing is admitting to it.
Having said that- I learnt my lesson (a couple of times in honesty throughout the years). Better late than never I guess.
Its because I always choose to see the best in people, but in all honesty now I have reversed my way of thinking, its not me who saw the best- its Them.
They saw the best in me and they decided to Abuse it. Over and Over.
To be fair ‘Forgiving and Forgetting’ is something that all of us have been taught when young, whether that be in by our parents, siblings, or in a educational environment. Its something that has been instilled into us when we are young, we are automatically programmed by it.
Well I was anyway. And it worked. It has worked for years. No issues.
Forgiving and forgetting is essential in life, it can save friendships and relationships. It can create a sense of Peace and it can also benefit us when we unconsciously hurt others.
But sometimes ‘Forgiving and forgetting’ can be more harmful than good- especially when the other person uses it as a way to constantly hurt you over and over, knowing full well that you will ‘forgive and forget’.
Why you should Forgive…..
For me ‘Forgiving’ is about Letting go. If you don’t forgive you are left holding a big lump in your heart, that eats away at you. It plays on your mind, it plays with your emotions. You can end up getting irritable, distracted, moody, depressive, and even make yourself ill.
Forgiving is about healing yourself, and nothing at all to do with the other person. I mean in all honesty they don’t need to be forgiven, but don’t let that eat up a chunk of your heart. Its not worth it. YOU deserve better.
So Forgive- not for them- but for YOU. For your health, for your Sanity and for your Heart.
Learn from Past experiences
A one-off? Fine. A young child. Fine. A rare Incidence. Fine.
Over and Over and Over and Over again? I think Not
If you have had discussions about this, If you have made it clear on the boundaries. If you have communicated your dislikes, and They do it AGAIN. And then just apologise? and think everything will go back to normal?
Learn from your past experience. If they have chosen to do the same thing after everything you went through.
Don’t wait for the next time.
Just close the chapter there and then. If somebody disrespect’s you enough to know that they hit your buttons Again. They are not worth your time. Move on there are plenty of people out their in the world with bigger and better hearts.
Forgiveness can make you stronger
Forgiving can actually make you the stronger person. The fact that you can forgive easily already shows how much depth you have in your personality and how much of a strong person you are.
Its not easy to forgive the same person who does the same things to you over and over.
But by being stronger doesn’t mean to forget. Learn from those experiences and create boundaries.
Learn to create better relationships, Learn to communicate that you are not going to be a pushover.
Learn to walk away from people who harm you.
Don’t give them a chance to do this again. Because they will!
Do NOT Forget
For me it was easy to try and forget a incident after a person has said ‘sorry’ and you think things can back to normal. Being an Empath its the way I have been conditioned.
But when a person does it over and over its hard not to constantly think of an incident that has happened, its hard to not get emotional or even angry over it.
But rather than focusing on that as a negative -reflect on it inwardly.
Remember the incident so that you can mentally tell yourself not to go through it again.
Just because you have forgiven the person- does not mean that you open our doors and your life, only to be subjected to the incident again when it suits them.
The healthiest thing to do at this moment in time – is to forgive and then to walk away from them. Completely.
And just like how I started with a quote, I shall also end with a quote :
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget, the wise forgive but do NOT forget”
Hope this helps any of you who are going through the same emotional roller coaster as me.
Love and regards